


Unpacking Boxes

by myblackbox



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, and maybe a hint at somthing more?, the Alex and Lena Heart-to-Heart we all Deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 11:45:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myblackbox/pseuds/myblackbox
Summary: A heart-to-heart conversation between Alex and Lena that takes place after the events of 4x4 Ahimsa.  Because I love them and they should talk more. They have so much to talk about! One-shot.





	Unpacking Boxes

Lena shut the lid on the last container, closed it with a snap, and entered the code. She placed it on top of the pile and made one last entry on the inventory sheet. Before he had left, Brainy had promised all the nanites would be shipped back to Luthorcorp first thing tomorrow morning. Letting out a tired sigh, Lena turned off the light as she left the room. 

Lena’s heals clicked loudly as she made her way down the empty hallway. She was almost to the DEO locker rooms where she had stowed her purse and coat, when she noticed an office door ajar. She pushed open the door to say goodnight to the woman she knew would be sitting behind the desk. 

“No rest for the Director?” she asked.

“Lena? I thought you left hours ago.” 

Alex’s black uniform top was hanging on a hook in the corner and Lena was jealous of the soft looking green t-shirt she wore. “Brainy was called away, something about a containment upgrade on D level?”

Alex looked sheepish. “Sorry about that. It’s all part of the new protocols.” 

“Well, your new protocols left me with ten billion nanites to round up and catalogue by myself.”

“Couldn’t have them running around unsupervised all night, I suppose?”

Lena understood Alex’s attempt at levity and met it. “This is a big city. Who knows what mischief they would get into on their own,” Lena replied lightly. “So that’s my excuse. How about you? What has the Director burning the midnight oil?”

“Just…” Alex absentmindedly rubbed at her temples. “Everything.”

“Heavy is the head the wears the crown?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“It is to me. I know a thing or two about the weight of responsibility.”

Alex squinted her eyes a little as she considered. “I suppose you do,” she concluded.

Lena took in the woman, the tired lines around her eyes, the slump in her shoulders that were usually held so straight, the way her hair, slicked back earlier today, now fell in messy waves across the side of her forehead. “May I sit?” Lena asked.

Alex looked surprised. “Yes, yes, of course.” She gestured to the chair opposite her desk. “You’re always welcome.”

Lena sat on the edge of the simple leather seat and crossed her ankles. She leaned forward a little to keep Alex’s attention. “I just wanted to tell you, that you did a great job today.” 

Alex sunk back into her chair and probably wasn’t even aware that she shook her head. “That’s nice of you to say” 

Lena could tell that Alex was unconvinced. “Supergirl’s safe, no one was hurt, Mercy and her brother are off the board. That’s a win in anyone’s book.” 

Alex toyed with a pen in her hand, not meeting Lena’s eye. “Supergirl almost died. Children were traumatized. Aliens were injured. That’s all on me.” 

“Alex...”

Alex pressed on. “If I had been more in-tune with my people, been better at my job, none of this would’ve happened.”

“No organization head can know what’s happening with every employee. That’s impossible.”

Alex’s grip on the pen she was holding tightened.“But it wasn’t like they were nameless faces, Lena. Both those deserters, I knew them. Hell, I trained them.” She gestured at the paperwork in front of her, “I keep going over their files looking for some clue. I just need to figure out where I went wrong.” 

Lena sat back and crossed her legs. “Alright, I’m not going to tell you to stop because, if I were in your shoes, I would be doing the exact same thing. But remember that hindsight is twenty twenty. Maybe you’ll find some red-flags, and that’s good. That’ll make you smarter for the future, but at the end of the day, Alex, you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t let obsessing over this take away from your success today. Today was a win.” 

Alex looked up and met her friend’s eyes. “I wish the President was as enthusiastic as you are about my performance.” 

Lena raised an eyebrow. “Want me to write you a letter of recommendation?” 

Alex smiled. “Would you?”

“Of course. Not sure how far it would get you. Speaking of, are those Army people still here?”

“They left a few hours ago when the shift changed but I’m sure they’ll be back bright and early in the morning.”

“Ugg. I’m sorry they’re treating you this way Alex. I hate tattle-tales.”

“Well, this may be our last moment without their oversight, so…” Alex spun in her chair and opened a cabinet behind her, producing a square bottle of amber liquid. “Care to join me for a drink?”

Lena smiled, “When the cat’s away.”

From a side drawer, Alex produced two tumblers and poured a small amount in each. 

Both women lifted their glasses and Alex said, “Cheers.”

Lena took a sip and the burn immediately filled her throat and nostrils. “Awh, that’s awful.”

Alex coughed, lowering her own glass. “It really is.”

Lena looked down at her drink suspiciously. “What is it?”

Alex smirked. “The best fifteen dollar bottle of whiskey money can buy.”

Lena swirled the liquid before taking another tentative sip, swishing it around her mouth like a connoisseur. “Is that a hint of turpentine I taste?”

Alex sipped. “Antifreeze.”

“Charming,” Lena deadpanned. 

In spite of the taste, Lena drank again, and found after the third sip that the strong burning in her sinuses had mostly subsided. She noticed that Alex was already half done with hers. When Alex spoke again her voice was back to its serious tone. “Thank you again, for coming to help. I know you and Supergirl aren’t on the best of terms these days…”

Lena held up her hand to interrupt. “Like I told you when I got here, Alex, I want to help. And what happened with Supergirl is all water under the bridge. I assure you.”

Alex tipped her glass in Lena’s direction in a mini toast. “Well, you saved Supergirl’s life. And for that, I will always be grateful.”

“I can’t take the credit, the nanites were Brainy’s idea.”

“But your technology,” Alex insisted.

“Not mine, Jack’s.” Lena corrected, “Well, I guess they are Luthor Corps now, but Jack’s brainchild.”

“He was your ex, right? I know it was awhile ago, but I don’t think I ever offered my condolences.”

“No need. Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” 

“No, it’s okay. He was obviously on your mind.”

“His fingerprints are all over the ninites. He was brilliant. We were…” Lena thought back to their time together in school and then working together on Biomax. There was so much there, and no easy place to begin so Lena simply finished, “Let’s just say: we enjoyed a meeting of minds. I don’t have that with very many people.” Alex raised her eyebrows and Lena looked away. “We were young,” she added softly.

“Ah, first love,” Alex said sagely.

Lena felt a little hurt. “You’re making it sound childish.”

“No, no, not at all. I just know that first love can be… intense.”

“It was… complicated.”

Alex smiled and Lena saw an unexpected pain and weight behind her eyes. “Isn’t it always?”

There was a pause in the conversation where Alex sipped at her drink. Lena’s thoughts were still with Jack when Alex spoke again. “Brainy told me that you helped him today.”

Not knowing what was coming Lena answered noncommittally, “Did he?” 

“Something about boxes?” Alex supplied.

“Oh, that. Just a coping mechanism I’ve found useful.”

“I gave Winn similar advice, a long time ago on his first mission.”

“Was he panicking?”

“Just scared.” Alex looked down at her glass. “Truth is, I was scared too. Terrified, actually. Supergirl was missing, we were going off world.” Alex was staring at nothing over Lena’s shoulder and Lena could see her lips tighten. Alex continued, “But when you go on a mission you have to just push that down. You know? Push it down and get on with things.” She washed her words down with the last of her drink and Lena followed suit.

“I get it. How do you think I survived growing up with the Luthors?”

“Boxes?”

“Lots and lots of boxes,” Lena confirmed.

Alex took a deep breath and refocused on Lena. “That must have sucked.”

Lena chuckled darkly. “Understatement of the year.”

They fell into silence once more and Lena shifted under Alex’s eyes. Alex seemed to sense Lena’s discomfort, because she turned her attention back to the bottle sitting on the desk. “Do you want another drink?”

“Of this aged perfection?” Lena raised her glass that still has some whisky ringing the bottom. 

“You do strike me as more of a wine drinker, Miss Luthor.” Alex’s eyes crinkled in the corners as she smirked. “ I think I have a box of wine here somewhere, if you’d rather have that.”

Lena decided to play along. “2018 vintage?”

“Only the very best.”

Lena pretended to consider. “It’s tempting, but this is fine. Thank you.” Lena held out her glass and Alex poured them both another. 

Lena took another sip but Alex held her glass with both hands, rubbing her thumb across the rim. It appeared to Lena that there was much more on Alex’s mind and it was as if she was drawing strength from the amber liquid. When she started to speak, her voice was soft. “The boxes are good for a battle. Good in a pinch. But they don’t really work long term, you know?” 

Alex followed her words with a sip and Lena wonders if Alex must be starting to feel the effects of the alcohol to continue with this subject. “What do you mean?” Lena asked. 

“I mean, I shoved my heart into a thousand different boxes, but the pain didn’t go away.”

“Maggie.” Lena supplied. It wasn’t a question. She knew that Alex had been struggling. 

Alex hummed her acknowledgement. 

“Maybe you need stronger boxes,” Lena suggested.

“I don’t think so.” Alex shook her head. “It was so much. And it was like, I was protecting them. Wanting to keep my boxes safe. Wanting to keep my pain in place. Because if I started to lose the pain, then it was like I was losing Maggie all over again. Does that make sense? But it wasn’t healthy and I wasn’t happy. I was self destructing and I didn’t know how to stop it.”

She had never heard Alex be so open about her feelings before, and if her own strong feelings, that were suddenly bubbling up in her chest, were for what Alex was going through, or for herself, she was unsure. “What did you do?’ she asked.

“At first, I drank.” Alex held up her glass in mock toast and took another sip. “But Kara got on my case for drinking too much. She was right. So instead of drinking I decided to talk to Kara instead.”

“You’re lucky to have her. “

“I am. But it wasn’t fair to put all that on her, so then I started to go to a therapist.”

“And did it help?” 

“It did… it does. I still go once a week.”

“That’s great, Alex.”

“I hate it. Really, I do. I’ve always been so much better at acting then talking. But it’s what I have to do right now. So I do it.”

“Well, I think it’s brave,” Lena said. And she meant it. She didn’t think she had ever met anyone as brave as Alex Danvers. “Speaking of being brave, Kara told me you’re dating again. Is that part of your therapy?”

Alex scoffed. “I’ll need to remind Kara to not go around gossiping about me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep. Kara’s just worried about you.”

“No , It’s fine. It’s just that Kara’s been on my case about this for awhile.”

Lena was suddenly very curious so she decided to press the matter. “So are you? Dating again?”

“A little.”

“And?”

Alex leaned back in her chair. “And… it’s been nice.”

Lena turned her head skeptically. “But?”

“But nothing. I’ve met some nice women.”

“Do tell. Anyone worth mentioning?”

Alex wrapped both hands around her glass. “No, but I’m going to keep getting myself out there.”

Lena smiled. “Good for you, Alex”

“It helps, with the boxes, I mean. None of the women I’ve dated are Maggie, you know, but I go out with them and I see glimmers.” 

“Like fireworks?”

“No, nothing big like fireworks. Glimmers.” She put her fingers together to indicate something small. “Little glimmers of potential that make me think, that maybe, someday, I’ll find someone.”

Lena paused a moment to take in all that Alex had revealed to her. “That sounds almost optimistic.”

Alex shrugged. “Maybe a little. It’s just when those boxes were sealed shut and shoved down, it’s like they ate me up inside. But now I’m finally unpacking them, one at a time. It’s helped to let some of them go. I’m tired of being unhappy.” Alex looked back down at the last sip in her glass, and without looking up she said, “Maybe you have some boxes of your own that could use some unpacking.” Only when the words were out did Alex flick her eyes up to meet Lena’s.

So this was it. The reason for Alex bringing up the boxes. Lena took a long drink from her glass, taking comfort in the burn. 

“I don’t know, Alex. Some of my boxes are so old, I’m not sure if I could find them, even if I wanted to.”

Alex tilted her head and her eyes shone with understanding. “Family stuff?”

“Lex, my mother, my father, Jack, my birth parents… hell, I even have a box marked Kara.”

Alex spluttered and put her glass down on the desk. “Kara? My sister, Kara?”

Lena looked down and nodded.

“What did she do? Did you guys have a fight?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” Lena wasn’t sure why she had even brought it up. The two drinks she had had must have affected her more then she thought because before she could come up with a non-incriminating reason for her statement, she felt her whole face flush hot. 

She could see the moment that understanding dawned on Alex. “Lena Luthor, I know my gaydar is horrible, but I honestly had no idea you swing that way. And for my sister?”  
Lena rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so closed minded, Alex. The fact that I’m... flexible can’t be that surprising.”

“I see it, now that you point it out. I just feel stupid for not noticing before. That’s all. And your affections for Kara, they were unrequited? Or am I calling that one all wrong too? “

“There was awhile when I thought there might be something, but then she got together with Mon-el and that’s when I gave up the dream. I knew I needed to move on. Your sister is one of my best friends. I couldn’t risk that.”

Alex sat there looking stunned. “Lena, I don’t know what to say. I had no idea.”

“Hopefully, no one did. And don’t tell anyone. Especially Kara.”

Alex held her hand up to stop the very thought. “I would never.”

“Promise?”

Alex drew a cross on her heart with her finger. “Promise.”

Lena laughed at the gesture. “I don’t know why I’m even telling you.”

Alex rose her glass to her lips. “Boxes, Lena. We are unpacking boxes,” she said and then drank down the last swallow and put her empty glass back on her desktop. “And as much as I would like to pour another after this stressful day, I am on a two drink limit. I promised Kara.” Alex opened a desk drawer and pulled out two water bottles. “Can I offer the lady some water? Drinking water is the secret to drinking responsibly.” 

Lena took the bottle. “Wow. And it’s warm. You know how to spoil a girl.”

“Only the very best.” Alex smiled as she twisted off her cap. “So, with my new found knowledge of your not-so-straightness, I’ve just got to ask, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but what about Sam?”

“What about her?”

“Did you two ever…?”

“We weren’t like that,” Lena answered.

“Were you ever interested? Sam is really amazing.” 

“She is,” Lena agreed. 

“And you two seem very close.”

“We are. But not in that way. We’re just friends. And since we are evidently acting like school girls now, how about you, Alex?"

“Do I have feelings for Sam?” Alex clarified.

Lena confirmed the question with a nod and a hum.

Alex shrugged and sighed. “It’s not that I didn’t think of it, but the timing wasn’t right and I wasn’t even sure Sam was interested in women. I mean, there were times I thought so. But I don’t know.”

Lena answered the implied question. “I have no idea. We were friends but our friendship was based in work. Sam never mentioned any women in her life but there were no men either. I don’t go around broadcasting my sexuality, so I guess there’s the possibility.” 

“It’s a shame she moved away. I know why she did it. But I miss them both.”

“You and Ruby were getting really close.”

“She’s a great kid.”

“I’ll miss them too,” Lena agreed. “It’s hard to lose another friend. I have so few to spare.” Lena meant it as a joke so she tried to keep the pain of it off her face, but as soon as the words left her mouth she knew her pain was laid bare, so she looked away hoping Alex wouldn’t see it. 

She was surprised to feel a touch against the back of her hand and she looked up to see Alex reaching across the desk, her fingertips brushing against her hand that was wrapped around her bottle of water. She was so distracted by the unexpected intimacy that she almost didn’t catch Alex’s next soft words. “You’re not alone, you know. Just because Sam and Maggie are gone doesn’t mean we can’t still get together for drinks or a movie night.”

Lena was afraid to meet Alex’s eyes. “That would be nice.” 

As Alex retracted her hand she bumped off a file that spilled to the floor. She laughed nervously and bent over to gather the papers. Lena picked up a few pages that fell at her feet and handed them over. 

Lena could feel the warm fuzziness in her head from the drinks and the exhaustion of the day catching up with her. “Well, Director Danvers. It’s been a pleasure but I have an eight a.m. conference call with Germany in the morning. So I better get going.” 

She stood and Alex stood as well. “Thank you again, for all you’ve done. My door is always open if you ever want to stop by my office for another drink.” 

Lena held up her hand. “No. Absolutely not.” Lena chuckled. “I’m never drinking that acetone you call whisky ever again. Come by my office, Alex. I’ll show you what real whisky should taste like.” 

“I look forward to it.” 

Alex put out her hand and Lena took it. “It would be my pleasure.” They held hands longer then a handshake should require and Lena could feel the calluses on Alex’s palms. 

Alex looked like she wanted to say more, so Lena waited out that extra moment. “If you ever decide that you want to…” Alex began, “If you want to sort out some of those boxes together. I’m here for you.”

Lena was so struck by the earnestness in Alex’s eyes (Her eyes were chocolate brown; Lena wasn’t sure whether she had noticed that before.) that on impulse she pulled Alex closer by their joined hands and kissed her on the cheek. The kiss lingered and she thought, perhaps, that Alex had leaned into it. “The same goes for you, Alex. Anytime.”

Lena turned to go, their hands separating only when the distance between them required it. She had only made it a few steps down the hallway when she heard Alex call after her. “Uh, Lena?”

She turned to see Alex, still standing in the doorway to her office. “That drink you mentioned. How does tomorrow after work sound? I could come by your office?” 

Lena pushed down her nervousness and answered as coolly as possible. “That sounds perfect. It’s a date.”

“A date?” Alex cleared her throat. “ Of course, a date.” She put her hands on her hips and nodded. “For sure. See you then.”

Lena smiled at the mix of emotions that Alex so clearly just broadcast to her. It turns out that Alex was as good at hiding things as her sister. This was going to be interesting.

“Goodnight, Director Danvers,” Lena called over her shoulder. 

Alex pushed her hair off her forehead and smiled. “Goodnight, Miss Luthor.”


End file.
